How to Stop Wishing and Start Living
Thursday, May 14, 2009
“Sometimes I wish that I was the weather, you'd bring me up in conversation forever. And when it rained, I'd be the talk of the day.” ~ John Mayer
“We will receive not what we idly wish for but what we justly earn. Our rewards will always be in exact proportion to our service.” ~ Earl Nightingale
How many times have you found yourself saying something like, "I wish I had ... (fill in the blank)."
I have been using the time during my son's soccer practice to walk the park trails with the baby in his stroller. I was in a particularly foul mood the other day, despite the beautiful weather and being surrounded by nature. My mind was clouded with wishes that I were in better shape, that I still wasn't carrying around this bulging tummy, that I looked more like the thin, fit woman jogging past me and the cumbersome stroller. However, I was also angry with myself for thinking these things. After all, I'd had a baby not that long ago and I was out walking instead of sitting at home browsing the internet while downing a bowl of chocolate ice cream. Hello, reality check!
Focus on What You Have
Wishful thinking is poverty thinking. We are focusing on what we don't have instead of what we do. You may be thinking,"I wish I had more money." Here is where gratitude comes in. Replace your wishful thinking with a thought that reflects what you do have. "I may not have enough money to take my dream vacation, and maybe I don't have enough to pay all my bills on time, but I do have enough to keep a roof over my head and my family well fed. I am grateful for that." Again, focus on what you do have, not on what you don't.
Stop Being A Victim
Wishful thinking is also thinking like a victim. You feel desperate and powerless to change the situation. I know. I've been there. Most of the time, we are only a victim to our own selves. This can be hard to acknowledge. We might as well replace the words "I wish" with "I can't". It becomes an excuse for our inaction. "I wish I earned more money." "I can't earn more money." Why not? Watch your answer. Anything that starts with "because" is usually an excuse.
Reality Check
Challenge your wishful thinking when it first arises. When I challenged my wish to be more fit, I realized how silly it was and how hard I was being on myself. I was feeling ashamed at myself for not being in better shape instead of applauding myself for doing something about it. I was also being very unfair to myself and my postpartum body that had given birth to a beautiful, healthy baby boy. How are you being unfair to yourself?
Wishes are fine when it comes to the fantastical and grandiose, and even in the inspiration of inventions born of imagination. They can also give birth to goals and give us the inspiration to fuel our dreams. However, when we get stuck in wishful thinking during the course of our daily lives, we don't take action. Wishful thinking can hold us in its clutches because it leaves us feeling hopeless and less than. Every single one of us is so much more than that.
Posted by Gina Acord Davison 12:24 PM 0 comments
Labels: gratitude, victim, wishful thinking
How to Get Things Done When You Work from Home
Wednesday, April 29, 2009
There is nothing so useless as doing efficiently that which should not be
done at all. ~ Peter F. Drucker
Whether you are a SAHP (stay at home parent), run a business from home, or both, some days it can seem like a daunting task to get anything done beyond getting out of bed and grabbing that morning cup of coffee. You rub the sleep from your eyes, look around at the sink full of dirty dishes, the laundry piled up, and the baby's toys scattered all over the floor and just want to crawl back under the covers because, quite frankly, you don't know where to begin. As a SAHP working at getting two businesses off the ground I have found a few common denominators to a successful, productive day that I would like to share with you:
Stay Away from Empty Tasks.
Just like empty calories, empty tasks really do us no good. These are the tasks that distract us from our real objective. You know the ones; checking your email several times a day, sorting through old photos and reminiscing over them, reading the odd news headlines, sorting through the stacks of old magazines you have laying around and reading every article before you decide to toss them out. Identify your empty tasks and stay away from them! They are major time wasters. You'll get nothing from them. Remember, life is worth a whole lot more than the wasted time of pretending to be busy.
Limit Your Time on Social Networking Sites
This, too, can become a major empty task. I know, because I have been spent hours taking part in sites like babycenter.com and flickr. I'll get on the computer with the intent of "getting something done" and hours later head to bed with the realization that I, in fact, didn't get anything done. However, I have also made some great contacts, people who have helped me propel my businesses forward or solve a parenting dilemma. These sites are not inherently bad. You just need to limit your time on them and watch who you network with.
Set Daily Goals
Usually in the form of a "to do" list, daily goals help us set priority on what is most important to accomplish on a daily basis. Keep this list practical. As the old saying goes, don't bite off more than you can chew. If you want to start a large project, list a few beginning steps, not the whole project. Like the first time in school when we had to write that big research project, you need to break it up into small steps. Also, set limits to the amount of daily goals you make. Sure, there are twenty very important things you'd like to get done today, but will you realistically be able to complete them by the end of the day? Cut your list in half. You can always add to it if you are having a really productive day, but on a normal day do you really want the burden of having all those daily goals unmet? Setting too many goals for the day is a psychological burden that leads to a feeling that you haven't done enough even though it is far from the truth.
Get Into A Routine
A routine can keep you on track and focus you on what needs to be done. I find I have a more productive day if I start with my routine of getting me and the baby dressed, making the bed, and tidying up the bedroom. The day just seems to flow from there.
However...Be Flexible
Sometimes things come up that are beyond your control. The kids get sick. The baby refuses to nap. Little annoyances come up that interrupt our day. This is just a part of the adventure called your life. Confront them and move on. Getting frustrated will do little good and will probably just leave you feeling stressed and unproductive. If you need to, give yourself a time out to de-stress.
Find Your Quiet Time
What are the quiet times of your household? Early in the morning? Late afternoon when the baby is napping? If you work from home and are able to set your own schedule this is the best way to do it. Make your work a priority during these times. Stay away from the household chores taunting you behind your back. Don't worry. They will still be there later. You may have to break up your schedule into several smaller chunks because there may not be one large chunk of quiet time. For me, quiet time is early afternoon when the baby is napping and at night after everyone has gone to bed.
And Most Importantly...Give Yourself Some Slack!
Especially if you've just experienced a major life event such as a job loss or the birth of a new child. But even on a normal day we can be awfully hard on ourselves. So you spent a little two much time on Facebook today. You are human, you make mistakes. Every moment is a new chance to refocus and begin again. Life will throw some curve balls at you. There will be losses and gains, but at the end of the day you want to be able to say that you spent your time in a worth while manner, even if that means the only thing you accomplish all day is soothing your crying infant.
Posted by Gina Acord Davison 10:59 AM 0 comments
Labels: goals, productivity, routine, Work at home
Happy Earth Day!
Wednesday, April 22, 2009
He who wants a rose must respect the thorn ~ Persian Proverb
To me, protecting the earth is all about respect. If we respect our living environment we will take care of it. Simple. End of sentence. We tend to put personal ease and immediacy above respect. Walking two blocks to the store is seen as an inconvenience instead of enjoyment. Although those chemicals in a can of bug spray can harm us, we use it anyway because having an insect in our home puts us ill at ease. But if we respect our bodies and our living environment we will take time to realize the consequences of those actions and refrain from them. It is easier for me to throw my laundry into the dryer but I've started hanging them out to dry in order to cut energy usage. I've discovered I enjoy doing my laundry more now, even though it takes more time. It gives me an excuse to be outside and the process is akin to meditation for me. I am forced to slow down and notice each item as I touch it. I can actually say I've gained respect for each item of clothing I wear. I know this may sound odd to some, but if we don't respect every little thing we touch what inclination do we have to take care of it?
This goes for personal improvement as well. If we don't respect ourselves we will not put the time or energy into taking care of our well being, or the well being of our relationships. We tend to fall into a trap of excuses to cover up for our lack of self respect. It's not the right time to quit smoking. We need that over sized dessert to feel better. We are too tired, too stressed, too broke. Ask yourself the next time you start to do something unhealthy, "Do I truly respect myself and my needs?" If the answer is yes you will more than likely stop what you are doing. If you answer no, ask yourself why not. What is it you don't respect about yourself? It is here, in that answer, where you need to begin. Maybe you don't respect your body because you feel it is ugly. Perhaps you don't respect your ideas because you feel stupid. Recognizing your thoughts is the first step to change.
When I was teaching I had one classroom rule posted: respect. This one word covers it all. According to Don Miguel Ruiz, it is one of the four agreements that leads to a good and happy life. Today, Earth Day, is a good day to reflect on the role respect plays in our life. May we all learn to live by it in all aspects of our life so that we may truly bring about improvements not only in ourselves, but in the world around us.
Posted by Gina Acord Davison 11:50 AM 0 comments
Labels: Earth Day, personal improvement, respect, well being
Spring Brings New Growth
Thursday, April 16, 2009
There came a time when the risk to remain tight in the bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom. ~ Anias Nin
Spring is not only about cleaning out all the dead roots and clutter in our lives, but also about regrowth and renewal. It is in that spirit that Thinking Inside the Box moves forward with renewed focus. I love to share ideas on creativity and leading a more creative life, but you can also expect more posts with tips on increasing your self confidence and enriching your life. I struggled for years with self esteem issues and bouts of depression and wish to share what I've learned from that journey for those who also face that struggle. It can be a rough journey and I want to be there to help you along the way.
Your input is important to the growth of Thinking Inside the Box, so please leave comments on articles that you connect with as well as those you might question. Feel free to share with friends and encourage them to visit. If you have something that you would like me to address, please email me with your concern.
I thank you for following me as this blog continues to grow and blossom.
Posted by Gina Acord Davison 1:08 PM 0 comments
Labels: depression, personal growth, renewal, self confidence, spring
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